There must come a point when it does, when the circumstances pressing down upon us make the decision for us, regardless of what we would choose otherwise. Basic choices that start us out on our journey of life are not ours to make. I cannot decide where I was born or to whom. I cannot decide how my parents parented me, if it was abusive, there is little I could do. I will have different opportunities if I am born in the United States than if I am born in Indonesia. My gender will play a role in the opportunities that I am offered and decisions that I must make as an adult. All these things intimate that I don’t have power over where I end up, so why do I need to take personal responsibility for things over which I have no control.
Elke, in Entangled Oaths, was born into a poor community and as an anthro species that is not offered the opportunities that the general population enjoys. There are decisions, even if she had money, that she wouldn’t be able to make, or that are made for her. Where she can live, who will hire her, where she can go to school, and whether or not she will be counted as part of the population on Inventory Day. (spoiler: she isn’t). There is little she can do about many of these decisions in the moment.
But she fights to be able to change that. As a civil rights activist, she works for changes in the system to fight prejudice. As a therapist, she works for change in the mindset of her population. But even these have to be done within a container of circumstances over which she has no control.
All of us have this container. It consists of gender, ethnicity, economic status, and a myriad of other factors. I am held within the container of being female, white, middle class, highly educated, a parent…These things limit my choices.
But I am aware that they limit my choices. Since I know they do, I can manage them, be aware of them, and maybe even slide by them to have a choice that was not previously available to me. This is how I take personal responsibility for myself. By being aware of the box that I’ve been placed in and not making the assumption that the four walls around me is all there is. If I look up, I can see the box has no lid, and then figure out a way to climb out.
I went to a car dealership once with my BFF to look at new cars. We entered the showroom, which was filled with sales people just standing around. Several of them looked in our direction while we waited patiently to be approached. No one did. After quite a wait, I was getting angry. This was a classic case of misogyny and perhaps homophobia right in front of my face.
So I loudly announced, “This is a room of fat, old men, none of whom are doing their job!”
About five seconds afterward, a meeting to all sales people was called. About two minutes after that, a sales person approached us. We got excellent service from him, though my BFF did not buy her car from that dealership.
This is an example of how I was aware of the container I was placed in (prejudice against women concerning car knowledge and lesbians), and looked for a way to climb out of it. I used personal shame (which I’m rather good at) to shake things up and get my desired result.
When have you been trapped by outside forces, the container that society puts you in, and how have you dealt with it?
Katherine LE White 
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